Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
