Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
