Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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