ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
