yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
