I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
