I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I love having hate sex.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
