I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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