Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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