I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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