Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
