i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
