last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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