my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
