the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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