I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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