If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
