I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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