Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Randomize
