ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
