He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
