My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize