Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
