for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
