hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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