so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pants are for mortals
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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