naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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