He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
