You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
