think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
