No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
