She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
