Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this boner is exhausting
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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