So drunk its hurt
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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