i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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