you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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