Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
