Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
