You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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