well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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