Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
