I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she told me i tasted like america
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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