Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize