We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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