i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
