get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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