oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
