We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
