yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
