Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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