Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
