He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
