Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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