You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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