Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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