I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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