So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
