Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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