Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We need to get me chipped asap
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
