I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude. I can hear the air.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
