I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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